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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What a beautiful morning! I started this week off in the Central Office Building of the school district where I was employed as a first grade teacher for the past 7 years.

Another beautiful image and quote from Melody Ross at bravegirlsclub.com

So....I officially took disability retirement due to the aggressive state of my Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I was diagnosed with RA after the birth of my first child in 1990 and from the onset it was very aggressive.  I was put on disability, as I could not even wash my son's baby bottles due to the state of my RA.  Throughout the years I was able to go into remission off and on. I believe RA took a toll on my young marriage, and this led to a divorce.  I praise God daily that my children's dad and new wife are such loving parents.  Our new families have really blended together well because we put OUR love for the children above any bitterness that could have formed.  "He gives beauty for ashes!" indeed! After our divorce in 2000, I went back to school and finished my degree. I was remarried in 2003 to a wonderful man, best friend, and step dad.  When my RA would become aggressive and crippling again I would push through the pain and thought this meant "I AM JUST STRONG!".... when in reality I was just trying to hide my pain and that's when pride set in. I was able to work for 7 years as a teacher, and wouldn't change one thing about this journey. For the past two years my RA has been becoming more and more aggressive.  This year, due to the array of RA infusion treatments I have taken, my immune system has been severelycompromised and three months ago my doctor sent me home to rest and restore my body.  Much to my dismay, the day drew nearer to my return to work and my my doctor would not allow me to return.  My white blood count dropped to 2.5 and I was told to prepare for a long-term leave.  Of course, I was mad, sad, angry, and wanted to push in order to GET BACK TO MY FIRST GRADERS.  As I prayed for God to show us where He wanted me to be...... my pride began to dissolve and as I took the time to rest and just be still, I began to hear His voice.  "Oh ye of little faith!"..... I KNOW HE HAS GOT THIS .... His hand has been guiding me all the way.  Sometimes I just take on worry when I KNOW that I KNOW He has a reason for everything under the sun.  It's like my words to my children come back to teach me.... I have always told them, "Worry is like telling God that we don't trust Him with this, when all along we know HIS will is perfect." So...a NEW beginning   .... a NEW season in life.... a NEW found re-birth of my desire to create.  I have started painting when my hands are able......and this has been rather therapeutic.  I hope to post things I'm working on and just my ramblings on my blog and hope that you will feel compelled to post as well.  After all.....we all just need an ear from    time to time....another person who understands.

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